intellectualism

during our formative years (which - if you maintain the idea that we are constantly learning, whether at 8 or 80 - lasts all our lives), we have a tendency to want to like things. the want is there, but the fulfillment of it may not be. for instance, i've always wanted to like jazz. i've always wanted to like flaubert's "a sentimental education." i've always wanted to like depressing new wave french films by truffaut. because even in the intellectual world, there is certain pressure to like things, as that will make you a truly intelligent intellectual.
but perhaps it's not the liking that's necessary, only the knowledge of it. i've tried to read "a sentimental education" 3 times already, and though i know the plot, the book never manages to capture my attention for more than 5 minutes. in school, though i loved literature and english class, i was never exposed to sartre or proust or mann or henry miller - and there's this sneaky guilty feeling that i should be. so i've been trying to read more of them, been buying books to add to my knowledge library, and i've found some of them to my liking. other books remain half-read, and i doubt that i will ever finish them.

maybe, when it comes to books especially, certain things appeal to us during a certain window of time in our lives when we can actually relate to them. maybe true intellectualism is learning what truly interests you, and weeding out the things that don't - all while maintaining that though they may be well-received must-read classics among the smarty-pants elite, they don't appeal to you at that moment in time. maybe you'll just have to go back to it later, and the thing will make more sense. and maybe, while you don't judge others, others should in turn not judge you.

i'm pleased to note however that i now like jazz. the jazz age has always been one of my favorite time periods, but i've never read about it in such depth as i have recently. the dorothy parker biography, book of short stories, and book of poetry has had a domino affect - also on my shelf, waiting to be read, are "a moveable feast" by hemmingway, and two books about the roaring twenties: one is about gerald and sara murphy, a glittering expat couple who were friends with nearly every literary and artistic american in europe at the time, and another about influential women in the flapper era. after listening to a recent live jazz band, and downloading some music, i now love it.

but (still) only certain types of it.

i think having a filter is good. i think not being a sheep, in any arena, is a positive form of self-discovery and independent thinking. i think we shouldn't be afraid to say that we didn't really care for steinbeck's "the pearl" or for the wonky music of the newest indie band, or for that intensely depressing new art house film. we shouldn't blindly follow just to please others.

i don't like being told what to like, and that thinking out of the box is influenced by many people in my life, but one in particular, who has been more and more in my thoughts recently. i realize that in a few days time, i will be as old as geoff witham was when he taught me in ap english my junior year. he was the teacher who made the most lasting impression on me, and he was 26 when he taught us. we were his last year before he went off to dc to pursue his graduate degree in creative writing. so geoff, this post's for you...